I’d say it’s what separates us, not from the beasts, but the bestial. Creating the future, renewing a learned past - these are reasons to strive. Writing for and with love, taking and framing an image, stretching new melodic skins onto old skeletons of song… it’s how we manage to fly. It’s how we stay you and me, not us and them.
Unlike Osk, who seemed to establish his own tactical task force wherever we lived, scooping up neighbourhood feline troublemakers as sidekicks (including the memorable ginger behemoth Watson, with whom he used to scope the street from the safety of the shed roof), Jelly has the intelligence gathering skills of a sponge cake.
Anyway, somewhere in between my 'and then you should've done this' and 'why didn't you say x and y, rather than z', and 'for the love of monkeys and the general public's eyesight, you didn't honestly wear that heinous shirt did you', something he was saying about the dating extravaganza we were picking to pieces finally penetrated my cloud of self-congratulatory cumulo-waffle.
"Most people don't talk about how dates are progressing as a tender process, do they?" he asked.
"What?"
"She said I was 'part way through the tender process' and that she was judging me on my submission. I'd like to think there was irony involved, and I think at the time I may have given an admittedly weak "haha, yesssss, quite". Looking back, I'd have to conclude, computer says no on the presence of Fabulon or other aids to achieving crisply pressed linen."
Depression likes solitude, and peace, and quiet. This is the second reason it beckons to you, like a siren song. Because it's easy. It's so easy. All you see, hear, feel is a lack of glaring light, noise, touch; a big, blank hole, with a pouring darkness in it, sucking you in. Far less trouble than making conversation, than ensuring others are feeling okay, than going out, than cooking, than showering, than turning lights on in a room.
““Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.” ”
Today is R U OK? Day - and already on social media this morning I have seen criticism of the day, ranging from 'people should be asking others if they're alright every day' to 'at least use proper letters - dumb name'.
Yes, it would be amazing if people asked others if they were alright every day. But let's face facts. We are selfish, greedy beasts, we humans - and if a day such as R U OK? Day can get us to stop and think about others - for even a moment - then it's alright in my book. As for the name - we live in the Age of Textarius. Much to my secret sorrow, what grabs the attention more - Are You Okay or R U OK? And anything that can bring attention to suicide prevention - well, that gets a free pass from the Grammar Goddess.
The number of people who struggle with depression in Australia is growing. People are scared to talk about how they feel - we are expected to achieve so much, to keep achieving, to keep up the pace, to go the distance, to succeed, to provide, to be happy, to race for the finish line. And all whilst pegging back the darker emotions or feeling tired, or sick, or drained of energy.
Or perhaps coping with grief and sorrow - and finding it all too hard, and just quietly slipping away because nobody has noticed the stress-lines beneath the surface.
We are all guilty of two things - and often it's not out of any lack of care or compassion. One, we DON'T ask our loved ones often enough if they are OK; and two - we don't ask ourselves.
So today, don't only check on those you care about.
Do a self-check too.
Make sure you are, if not happy, then at least in a mental place where you feel you are capable of reaching out for help. Look inside. Say to yourself 'Am I coping? Am I waking up of a morning wishing it would all just go away?'
Sometimes it is harder to ask yourself that question and give an honest answer that it is to look someone else in the eye and say 'no, I am not OK'.
But if you expect that honesty from them - give it to yourself too.
And yes, it would be great if every day we asked 'are you OK?' of friends, family and co-workers. Maybe start with today - and a simple text, or message, or phone call. I will even be relaxing my rules.
R U OK?
““A lot of people don’t realize that depression is an illness. I don’t wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it.”
”
It's not very often that I write a post like this, but this is something that I feel very strongly towards. Because it brings together two things I care deeply about, although in very different ways - mental health, and sport. And not just any sport, but the sport of the season... yep, you guessed it - cricket.
Tomorrow is the Prime Minister's XI here in the Can. And obviously the PM is attending - and so is her partner, Tim Mathieson. And he is Patron of the match-day charity, and this is where for me, it gets very relevant, and extremely important. Because not only is it a local organisation, it is one that targets an often forgotten area in terms of societal need.
Its name? Menslink. Never heard of it? You wouldn't be alone. But for young guys aged 12-25, it's a light in the darkness.
Four out of five suicides in Australia are men. Today, five men will take their own lives. While we are traipsing into the game tomorrow, and yelling at the umpires - five more. Each year, more guys die by their own hand than our entire national road toll.
Am I depressing you? I hope so. Because there are so few organisations out there that aim to help young blokes in particular with the positive side of life, that to see one like Menslink getting exposure at a sporting event is, for me, too great an opportunity not to scream it from the rooftops.
Like most people my age, I have lost friends to suicide. Two of them were in my early twenties. One of them was my very first love. And I can't help but wonder - if he had had the support of an organisation like this, would he still be here? I know it's no use looking to the past, so instead I will be looking to the future tomorrow at the crickety and proudly doing what I can to support a group that supports blokey care.
ACTCricket are behind them. As are the Raiders and the Brumbies. So everyone in the ACT, do something amazing for sport and your species - at the match tomorrow, make a very simple gesture.
Wear blue. Just like the Pink Test, but for boys.
Because they matter too.
Go hard. Go cheer. Go think of your mates who may be not as smiley and happy as you think. Go and remember the friends you have lost because they had nobody to talk to.
Go Blue.
